


21 Days of Kony's Mas

by katzengefluster



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, a drabble a day with a different pairing each time, some will be angsty, some will be fluff, some will be sexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-11 05:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 13,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12928974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katzengefluster/pseuds/katzengefluster
Summary: 7 members = 21 pairings! This will be a collection of short drabbles, one per pairing, posted daily up until Christmas. A smattering of porn, angst, fluff, and fun!





	1. YunJun - El Coco Loco

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to everyone who ships a rare ship! Everyone always says they love OT7 and all the ships, but so rarely are all the ships ever written. I'm guilty of sticking to my faves too, so I decided to give them all a go for Christmas. :)
> 
> I'm not using a prompt list for these, instead I've just put my music collection on shuffle and I'm writing based on whatever song comes up.
> 
> Day #1: Yunhyeong X Junhoe  
> Song: "El Coco Loco" Coati Mundi (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuYpp8v8lek)

_I’m just a bad boy superstar, who stole the cookie and the cookie jar_  


* * *

  
"Could you just shut up for one minute?” Yunhyeong groans, finishing the last dish and draining the sink. Junhoe chuckles to himself and it grates on Yunhyeong’s nerves. He picks up the dish towel to dry his hands on, moving away from the sink to the table where Junhoe’s still seated.  
  
“You should know by now that asking me to shut up is like asking a dog to stop barking.” Junhoe cheekily replies, watching Yunhyeong's approach.  
  
Yunhyeong huffs disapprovingly and shakes his head. “Both of you lack the ability to understand simple commands, apparently.” Junhoe just grins at him and Yunhyeong knows that if he wants quiet, he’s going to have to resort to drastic measures. So without warning he moves behind Junhoe and whips the dish towel around his face, pulling it taught past Junhoe’s open lips. “Guess I’m going to have to treat you like a dog and muzzle you.”  
  
Junhoe’s glare is murderous but he doesn’t fight. It’s not often that any of them play on age dynamics, but they all know each other’s tells, and when Yunhyeong plays around like this, he means business.  
  
“Now, because you disturbed your beloved hyung’s afternoon with your caterwauling, you’re going to have to make it up to him. You’ve got two choices, and both of them involve your mouth being gagged with something. Because I’m so caring, I’ll let you choose between your two options.” He removes the towel from Junhoe’s mouth, grinning when Junhoe rubs at his face.  
  
“I can’t believe you’d describe my singing as  _caterwauling,_  hyung,” Junhoe grumbles.  
  
“Just because you have a nice voice, that doesn’t mean it’s always pleasant to listen to.” Yunhyeong smirks back at him. “Now, your options.” He pulls the towel taut between his hands, snapping the fabric. “This towel is the first. I think you can guess what the second option is.”  
  
Junhoe frowns, his gaze flitting back and forth between the dish towel and Yunhyeong’s crotch. “Is the towel clean?” Yunhyeong tries to snap the towel in his face, but Junhoe ducks. “I take it that’s a no?”  
  
“I’m almost offended,” Yunhyeong replies, “just for that I should make you kneel.”  
  
“Ah, hyung, come on, my knees are already toast after this week’s dance practice.” Junhoe’s voice is whiny and Yunhyeong tries to swat him with the towel a second time.  
  
“I hear an awful lot of complaining, when I should be hearing some sucking.” Yunhyeong grins and watches as Junhoe slips out of his chair and comes over to kneel in front of him. Junhoe’s hands reach for his pants and Yunhyeong can’t keep the grin off his face. The perks of being the second eldest are utterly fantastic. He gets to do whatever he wants and none of them can complain. (Well, they can  _complain,_ but they can't really get out of it.)  
  
“You’re lucky you’re older than me,” Junhoe says as he pushes Yunhyeong's pants out of the way, grumbling because he knows that Yunhyeong likes to hear it (the same way they all know that Junhoe likes being "forced" into blowjobs, because he's really good with his mouth and if he has to serve his hyungs, he at least wants to be able to lord it over them later on).  
  
“Tough words from the second youngest,” Yunhyeong teases back, “you should be careful with what you say. I might have to talk to your other hyungs about your bad attitude."  
  
“Go for it,” Junhoe replies, “me and Chanu could run you all and you know it.” Just then Junhoe swallows Yunhyeong down in one quick gulp, halting the response that's on the tip of Yunhyeong’s tongue, instead turning it into a hissing moan and fingers that tighten their grip in his hair. Junhoe doesn't mind, though, he lives for this part, when he gets to blow their minds so entirely that it warrants him his cheeky attitude.  
  
Besides, if he blows Yunhyeong now, he'll get whatever he wants for dinner later. An even exchange, in Junhoe's opinion.


	2. DongHwan - I Saw A Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #2: Jinhwan X Donghyuk  
> Song: "I Saw A Light" Bat For Lashes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY-U3j0j72s)  
> Set at the end of Mix & Match (for added angst, I'm sorry;)

_I saw a light, coming through the trees, and I packed my things_

* * *

“Don’t frown like that,” Jinhwan says, wraps his arms around Donghyuk from behind, “just think of it like finally getting a two week vacation after all your hard work. You’ll be back in two weeks, wishing for one more night at your mom’s place.”  
  
Donghyuk hates the way the words make him feel. Usually when Jinhwan says something comforting, it fills him with a pleasant warmth. The words feel like a verbal hug. Right now they only feel hollow and brittle, like Jinhwan's only saying them because he has to.  
  
“Do you have all your stuff packed?” Jinhwan asks, and Donghyuk nods. “Let’s go hang out in the bathroom for a minute.”  _Hang out in the bathroom_  is everyone’s code word for  _‘let’s go make out in the only room with no camera’_  and Donghyuk feels a little cheap that Jinhwan’s suggesting it, but he’ll take whatever he can get right now, desperate to spend just one more minute here before he has to leave.  
  
But when Jinhwan closes the door behind them he cups Donghyuk’s face in his palms and kisses him, soft and sweet and loving. “I know you’re scared you won’t get to come back,” Jinhwan says, low enough to almost be a whisper, “but I’m confident you’ll be back.”  
  
“But what if I’m not?” Donghyuk finally asks, and his breath catches on the words, catches on the very thought that's been terrifying him ever since he found out he wasn't safe.  
  
“Then you’ll find a new path, but you’ll still have us.”  
  
Donghyuk sniffles at the words, tries to hold back his tears. “I don’t want a new path. I like this one.”  
  
Jinhwan smiles tenderly at him and brushes a thumb over his cheek. “We don’t want you on another path either,” he says, “we need you on this one with us. But that’s not up to us now, none of us.”  
  
“That’s why I’m so scared.” Donghyuk whispers back.  
  
Jinhwan kisses him again, holds him in arms that are much stronger than they look, and Donghyuk feels a little calmer after speaking his fears out loud. Of course they’re all afraid, all six of them (nine, counting the new kids) but Donghyuk is pretty sure that no one is more afraid than he is.  
  
Jinhwan looks him in the eyes again, his gaze strong and confident. “Vacation, okay? Just because you’re not physically here, doesn’t mean you can’t message us, alright? You’ll feel better with your mom. Go and talk to your dad, tell him we all say hi, okay?”  
  
Donghyuk nods, and he hugs Jinhwan again.  
  
Jinhwan’s right, of course. This is all out of their hands now. He’ll either be picked or he won’t. There’s no point in worrying. He’s worked so hard for the past two years, all without a break. He deserves two weeks of rest.  
  
He’d just enjoy it more if there wasn't that looming question hanging over him, a dark cloud on his sunny day.  
  
“You ready to head down with the others?” Jinhwan asks, and Donghyuk isn’t ready, but no matter how many times Jinhwan asks the answer will never change. So he lies and he nods and Jinhwan takes his hand, tells him one last time that he believes that Donghyuk will be back, and that’s going to have to be enough.  
  
No matter how much more he thinks he needs, this is all he can have. It has to be enough.


	3. Double B - Barrel of a Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #3: Double B  
> Song: "Barrel of a Gun" Depeche Mode (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7GCrTFCXYo)

_ Do you mean this horny creep, set upon weary feet, in need of sleep that doesn’t seem to come _

* * *

 

It’s been slowly building between them, starting last year. Everyone had expected it to end when the show ended, when they could finally rest and get back to some semblance of normalcy.   
  
Well, after they got over the loss, of course.   
  
Bobby fared a little better than Hanbin, but then he’s always been the type to let things go more easily. Hanbin internalizes and says he’s fine to your face, but he’s always got a subconscious full of his own demons that terrorize him when he least expects it.   
  
It was Jinhwan’s idea, what they’re doing now. Hanbin’s on edge so often these days he’s almost like a living embodiment of whatever’s creeping around in his skull, whispering to him in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep. It’s making everyone nervous.   
  
Bobby’s the only one strong enough to withstand it, so he doesn’t have a choice, but he wants to help anyway.   
  
Hanbin’s temper has been in a pressure cooker all day, to the point that they can all practically see the steam coming out of his ears. No one blames him, because he’s got more on his shoulders than ever before, to the point that they all think it’s more than a little unfair on him. But none of them will say as much to his face.   
  
He’s gotten angry to the point that he’s past yelling, past vicious remarks and cutting glares. Hanbin’s just gone  quiet now, and that’s when he’s the most terrifying. Jinhwan clears the vocals out, sets up a session with the vocal trainer, leaves their rappers alone in the training room.   
  
Bobby locks the door and covers the cameras, because it’s now or never.   
  
Hanbin doesn’t seem interested at first, spurns Bobby when he tries to make a move. It’s all part of the game, though, and Bobby knows him well enough to know that.   
  
So he pushes, and he prods, and he says everything he needs to say to build the smoldering embers into a blazing fire, and as soon as Hanbin snaps Bobby catches him, catches Hanbin’s hand before it can connect with his face, backs him into the wall and pins him down. Hanbin’s all snarls and frayed nerves, while Bobby’s calm and powerful.   
  
Of course it ends with Bobby’s hand down Hanbin’s pants and his shirt balled up and stuffed in Hanbin’s mouth. But it works, and he’s surprised at how good it feels. Not just during, but after, when things calm down and they’re just lying on the floor together.   
  
Bobby looks Hanbin in the eyes, content when he sees that the blazing embers are nothing but charcoal now, that the rage has burned itself out. Hanbin has burned himself out.   
  
Bobby thinks that’s the end of it, but two days later, just as he’s lying in bed about to fall asleep, he feels a weight dip down at the side of his bed.   
  
Hanbin’s sitting on the edge, and their eyes lock. It’s dark in the room, but Bobby can feel the fire in the gaze without seeing it. It’s different this time, crafted and molded on purpose. Made for one purpose. To devour.   
  
Bobby hadn’t thought that he’d been the prey in this game of theirs, but he knows now that he’s wrong. It’s only fitting, after all. He’s the bunny, and Hanbin’s the tiger.   
  
And right now, the tiger’s on the prowl.


	4. JunChan - Dancing On Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #4: Junhoe X Chanwoo  
> Song: "Dancing On Glass" St. Lucia (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDKJ29357FU)

_Better believe I keep my demons to myself, better believe it’s getting harder_

* * *

They’ve all tried with Chanwoo, but it’s like talking to a brick wall, a never-ending chorus of _I’m fine_ and _don’t worry about me, hyung_ and _everything’s okay, I promise_.  
  
Everything isn’t okay, though, and it’s obvious to all of them.  
  
Chanwoo’s not talking, though, not to Yunhyeong nor Jinhwan, the ones he usually confides in. He won’t joke around with Bobby, doesn’t react to Hanbin’s physical displays of affection. He smiles at Donghyuk when he tries, but that’s all Donghyuk gets.  
  
Out of the six of them, Junhoe’s the only one who doesn’t treat Chanwoo with kid gloves, and that’s why he’s the one who gets the most. He catches Chanwoo sitting outside one night, slumped over a table in the courtyard of their apartment complex. Junhoe’s just getting back after going for dinner with his sister.  
  
“Is someone fighting or are you just getting some air?” Is how Junhoe greets him before plunking himself down opposite Chanwoo, uninvited and not the least bit apologetic for butting in on Chanwoo’s solitude.  
  
“The second,” is Chanwoo’s reply, and that’s when Junhoe notices that he doesn’t have his phone with him, which is unusual. Chanwoo’s always got his nose buried in a game when he’s got the time.  
  
“The night sky helping you feel sorry for yourself?” Junhoe asks, nonchalant in his prying.  
  
The fact that he’s not trying to tiptoe around the issue is what makes Chanwoo give him an honest answer. “Pretty much, yeah.”  
  
Junhoe nods, doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest. “Are you reading shit about yourself on-line, or are you just unhappy out of your own doing?”  
  
“Little bit of both.” They’re not supposed to be searching for articles about themselves, Hanbin has all but forbid the practice (even though they all know he reads everything, but their leader has always been good at keeping criticism impersonal), and Chanwoo had been good at first. He’d followed the rules. But sometimes all it takes is one moment of weakness, one niggling little voice in the back of your head saying _everyone probably hates you, you should go check for posts about yourself_ and half an hour later he’s nose deep in a wave of hatred directed his way.  
  
“Let me guess, all you find is negative stuff, right? People who say you don’t deserve to be here, that you’re not talented, that you suck compared to the rest of the group?”  
  
Chanwoo frowns at Junhoe’s question. That _is_ all he ever seems to find. (Not that he makes a point of looking for anything positive, because as terrible as it is to read all the negative stuff, he feels like it would be infinitely worse to go looking for the positive and then not find anything at all).  
  
Junhoe just waves it off, though. “Were you really expecting anything else? You’re an easy target because of how late you joined us, there’s always going to be a slew of people who hate you. Don’t waste your energy worrying about them, the majority of them are probably fans of another group anyway.”  
  
“So what should I do?” Chanwoo asks, and he's clinging to Junhoe's words without even realizing it. Maybe it's because Junhoe doesn't seem to be as concerned as the others are. Chanwoo has spent so long with cooped up feelings of  _needing_ to prove himself, that Junhoe's flippant attitude about negative criticism is like a beacon in the dark. There's a difference between listening to criticism from people whose opinion he trusts (like Hanbin and Jinhwan) and reading smear comments on-line from people who hate him for sport.  
  
Junhoe’s blunt answer is not what Chanwoo expects. Not at all. “Go to the bathroom, run the shower, then load your favourite porn and jerk off. That’s what I do and I sleep soundly every night.” Junhoe winks at him and stands up. “Come on, let’s go before Yunhyeong hyung comes looking for you.”  
  
Chanwoo grins and gets up from the table to follow him. It’s weird, but he feels better. Maybe just admitting it all out loud was what he needed to do. He doesn’t want any of them to think of him as a burden, whether it be on the stage or off the stage. He catches up to Junhoe and nudges him with his shoulder. “So, hyung, what’s your favourite porn?”  
  
Junhoe looks at him. “Why, are you looking for recommendations?"  
  
Chanwoo fixes him with a shit eating grin. "More like videos to avoid."  
  
Just like that everything's better, and Chanwoo lets go of that inner turmoil of the past few days while they bicker on the way inside.


	5. YunBob - Tiptoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #5: Yunhyeong X Bobby  
> Song: "Tiptoe" Goldfrapp (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nqD4Mcnq9c)

_ You feel good, you feel right, you’re so good _

* * *

When Bobby had complained that Yunhyeong never played with him, this hadn’t quite been what he’d been talking about.   
  
“Trust me, you’ll like it, I swear.”   
  
Bobby hates it whenever someone starts a sentence that way.  _ Trust me! _ If the idea weren’t something crazy, there'd be no need to request trust. But he kind of asked for this, in a way. Kind of had it coming.   
  
It’s not like he’s a stranger to any of it, they all do it with each other. Bobby had just assumed that Yunhyeong wasn’t really into any of it, because he’s never really heard anyone talking about being with him.   
  
Turns out Yunhyeong just likes to keep his  _ private life _ very, very private.   
  
“I’m gonna put the blindfold on now, you okay?”   
  
Bobby nods, even though he’s not entirely sure that he is okay with this. But life is all about trying new things, and when Yunhyeong had told him that Hanbin and Jinhwan both loved the blindfold, Bobby couldn’t say no. His pride wouldn’t let him.   
  
So he lets Yunhyeong tie the silk ribbon over his eyes and now that he can’t see he suddenly isn’t sure what to do with his hands, he feels awkward sitting there.   
  
Seconds later he feels a mouth on his neck and it makes him jump. Yunhyeong’s laugh isn’t any different than usual, but for some reason it feels dark to Bobby, makes his skin crawl. Yunhyeong licks a slow line over his neck down to his collarbone, then he blows softly over it, and the sensation has Bobby panting without realizing it.   
  
Yunhyeong laughs again and Bobby can’t help but feel annoyed.    
  
“Nothing like a little laughter to kill a guy’s boner.”   
  
Bobby should have known better. Yunhyeong stuffs something into his mouth and then twists another silk ribbon around Bobby’s wrists, and Bobby’s dick is hard again. It’s not that he thinks he’s into being tied up or anything, but something about this little scenario has him sweating in the best way possible. (Maybe it’s the sock in his mouth, he’s not really sure.)   
  
“Ah, hold on for a second, I can’t find my phone.”   
  
Bobby makes a noise of dissent and twists around where he’s seated on the edge of the bed, though it’s not like he can really do anything. He can’t see and he can’t talk. But he can worry, and right now he's worried about what Yunhyeong wants with his phone. He's not taking a picture, is he? Worse yet, video? Bobby tries to talk around the sock. He could probably just spit it out if he really wanted to, but he doesn’t, and he realizes too late that Yunhyeong was really just testing him, storing the knowledge away for later.   
  
Yunhyeong’s hand snakes its way into his pants then without any warning, and Bobby has to bite down on the sock to keep from spilling over his fingers already. Everything’s so much more intense with the blindfold and the gag and the bonds. Yunhyeong works him fast, it doesn’t take long, and then Bobby really is muffling his moans into the sock, bucking into Yunhyeong’s hand, spilling himself over his fingers.   
  
Yunhyeong leaves him on the bed while he goes to wash up and Bobby just lays there, panting and exhausted. Maybe this is why none of them talk about being with Yunhyeong. It all feels too intimate, too invasive.   
  
But it feels good.   



	6. DongBin - THRWD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #6: Hanbin X Donghyuk  
> Song: "THRWD" Doja Cat X SpooxBeatz (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x1P2fyN4T0)

_ Cause I’m tight, cause I’m tight, tighter than American Apparel _

* * *

 

If you asked Donghyuk he’d tell you that Hanbin is amazing at everything. Even taking criticism.   
  
Especially taking criticism.   
  
They’d all been complaining to Jinhwan lately that Hanbin was getting out of hand in the recording room (not that any of them blamed him, because he was under immense pressure and stress for their debut) but it was starting to leech into his behaviour outside of the recording room too. So when Jinhwan had approached Hanbin and told him to cool it down, they were all surprised when Hanbin gathered them all up and apologized.   
  
No hard feelings, no hurt feelings. Just a sincere apology and a promise to make it up to them.   
  
_ Making it up to them _ had resulted in Hanbin devoting time to spend with all six of them individually. When Donghyuk had asked him if they could choreograph something together (just for fun, just for the two of them) Hanbin had smiled and jumped on the idea. Donghyuk liked to learn choreographies with the Hi-Tech dancers, liked to keep his skills sharper than he could by only doing their group choreos.   
  
And while the others were always improving and getting better, in reality Donghyuk didn’t think that anyone could keep up with him except Hanbin and Jinhwan, especially not when it came to strong, fluid, sexual moves.   
  
That’s where they were now, in the practice room, he and Hanbin, building an entire choreography around as many lewd body rolls as they could manage. But dancing wasn’t only done with your body, it was always best finished off with your facial expressions, and Donghyuk loved watching Hanbin’s tongue make a continued appearance as they worked out their routine. As dorky as Hanbin could get when he was switched off, Donghyuk thought that no one in their group exuded more sex appeal than Hanbin when he was switched on.   
  
Right now was no exception.   
  
They paused for a moment for some water, and Donghyuk’s eyes couldn’t tear themselves away from Hanbin’s face as he tipped his bottle back, his lips a perfect o around the neck. Donghyuk didn’t even realize he was staring until Hanbin winked at him, and Donghyuk blushed a little at being caught before taking his own long sip of water. At least one thirst was in the process of being quenched.   
  
But then Hanbin flopped down on the floor at Donghyuk’s feet, one hand on Donghyuk’s pants, tugging at them, hungry eyes staring up at him. Donghyuk willingly obliged his leader, sinking down beside him, and the longer Hanbin’s eyes were on him, the tighter his pants were feeling. Not surprising, of course, given all the sexual energy of their choreography.   
  
“We make a good pair,” Hanbin offered, sly smile directed at Donghyuk.   
  
“Ah, you think so, hyung?” Donghyuk thought so, but he wasn’t above fishing for more praise.   
  
“Mm, I do,” Hanbin reached out, grabbing Donghyuk’s hand, “wanna know who else thinks we’re a good pair?”   
  
Donghyuk squeezed his hand back and raised his eyebrows in question. “Who?”   
  
Hanbin didn’t answer with words, though, he answered by guiding Donghyuk’s hand to his crotch, pressing it into the fabric so Donghyuk could feel his erection. That was all the invitation Donghyuk needed, and he swung one leg over Hanbin’s body, straddling him upright, grinding their dicks against each other.   
  
This hadn’t quite been his point in setting this all up, but it was welcome all the same.


	7. JunHwan - Labour of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #7: Jinhwan X Junhoe  
> Song: "Labour of Love" Dead Can Dance (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0DPAfRgWZ0)

_ Forced by necessity, I arrive at your door, these gifts I bring to you, for your benefit alone _

* * *

Junhoe shows up with a bottle of Jinhwan’s favourite red wine, a peace offering.   
  
Jinhwan  _ almost _ doesn’t accept it.  _ Almost _ sends him away, because he’s getting tired of forgiving the same misdeed time and time again. But Junhoe’s got a way about him, he’s got eyes that draw Jinhwan in and keep him there, he’s got a hard time saying no.   
  
Everything would be better if Junhoe would just keep his mouth shut sometimes. That’s what Jinhwan keeps thinking.   
  
“You talk too much.”   
  
Junhoe knows it. He keeps his head down, doesn’t look at anything but the floor, studies the carpet. It’s not like he  _ means _ to do it. He can’t help himself! He talks, and his mouth  _ always _ moves faster than his brain, never lets his thoughts catch up to his words. Everyone’s used to it, though, no one takes him seriously.   
  
Except Jinhwan. The person Junhoe hates hurting the most.   
  
“Did Hanbin pick out the wine?”   
  
Junhoe’s a little surprised by the question, and he looks up finally. “Yeah.” Jinhwan’s eyes narrow at the short response and Junhoe bites his lip and looks down again. He’s here to  _ apologize _ and he can’t even speak respectfully.   
  
Jinhwan sighs and looks at the bottle. Hanbin’s the only one who ever sees Jinhwan drinking this one, because Jinhwan hides the bottle in his room and only takes it out late at night whenever everyone else is asleep. He sits at the kitchen table and has a glass, thinks about everything he wishes he could change, thinks about how much he misses his mom, thinks about his shortcomings and failures as a person.   
  
On particularly bad nights he stays up until Hanbin gets home from the studio. No matter how tired Hanbin is, he always sits with Jinhwan for a bit, holds his hand and lets him talk if he needs to, and if he doesn’t then they just sit in silence. Hanbin lets Jinhwan fuss over him when he finishes the wine, and Jinhwan feels better after he tucks Hanbin into bed, feels like he’s good for  _ something _ .   
  
Jinhwan isn’t sure what Hanbin’s trying to tell him by sending Junhoe begging with this particular wine. There’s probably something buried in there, because Junhoe is close to Hanbin too, probably tells him things he doesn’t tell Jinhwan (because Junhoe likes to feel important, and telling Hanbin secrets makes him feel important).   
  
But Jinhwan makes him feel something entirely different, makes him feel something dangerous. Junhoe’s not good with those kinds of feelings, though, doesn’t know how to let them manifest in positive ways. So he needles, and he annoys, because that’s what he does best.   
  
Jinhwan’s sensitive, though, and sometimes ( _ always _ ) Junhoe forgets just how sensitive.   
  
“Have a drink with me?” Jinhwan offers, because no matter how badly he thinks he needs to teach Junhoe a lesson somehow, he just  _ can’t, _ and instead he’ll pay for it later at four in the morning, bloodshot eyes watching the front door, waiting for Hanbin.   
  
Junhoe gets the glasses, and somehow he manages to get a laugh out of Jinhwan too, he gets smiles and soft touches that he knows he doesn’t deserve right now, but he’s never been the type to wallow in misery. If Jinhwan’s being soft with him it’s because he wants to. The least Junhoe can do is give him every reason to continue being soft.


	8. ChanBob - Small Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #8: Bobby X Chanwoo  
> Song: "Small Town" Morcheeba (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxHFlzdxcvU)

_ Your world’s a small world, and you break the rules, you’re one big fish, in a pool of fools _

* * *

Chanwoo’s not entirely certain how he got tasked with babysitting Bobby, and he’s one drunken giggle away from sending a scathing message to the group chat, cursing every last one of them.   
  
“Chanu-yaaaaa,” Bobby drawls in a drunken slur, and Chanwoo can almost feel his toes curling, “Chanuuuuuu.”   
  
“Yes, hyung?” Why is he even bothering to speak politely? Bobby won’t remember this in the morning.   
  
“Do you think, like, if you had a cat, would it?”   
  
Chanwoo waits to see if Bobby’s going to finish his question, but no more words come. Instead Bobby looks at him and shakes his hands, like he’s waiting for an answer.   
  
“That didn’t even make any sense. I don’t know what you’re asking me.”   
  
Bobby just nods though and chuckles to himself. “Yeah, I thought so. Thanks.”   
  
Chanwoo briefly contemplates how long he’d have to hold a pillow over Bobby’s mouth to block his air before he passes out. Not to kill him, of course, just to put him to sleep. It must be possible without incurring some kind of brain damage.   
  
Ah, he shouldn’t be so hard on Bobby. Chanwoo knows he’s been frustrated lately. He just appeared on the most recent season of Show Me The Money, called in as a guest for someone else's stage. He’d been excited for it at first, but inevitably it brought out the same old melancholy. Two years since Bobby won his own season, two years he’s been working on solo stuff, and still nothing to show for it.   
  
They all know he’s frustrated, even if he says he’s fine. He smiles every day, but more and more often he has that one beer too many before going to bed, which results in someone having to watch over him to make sure he doesn’t fall over and bang his face on something.   
  
Of course on Chanwoo’s night of duty Bobby’s even drunker than usual.   
  
“Do you think I’m good?”   
  
Bobby’s question is unexpected, and Chanwoo looks at him and contemplates it before answering. “Of course you’re good, hyung.”   
  
“No, but, do you?”   
  
As annoying as it is, it’s also kind of amusing. Bobby seems so serious all of a sudden, like he’s asking a very important question. Chanwoo has to fight not to laugh at it.   
  
“I do, I promise.” He holds Bobby's gaze for a few seconds before Bobby nods at him.   
  
“But are you? I think so. I think you’re good.” Bobby holds his hand out, waves it idly, like he wants Chanwoo to come closer. Chanwoo sits on the floor by the bed.   
  
“Do you really?” Chanwoo turns it back on him, grins when Bobby looks confused for a moment.  
  
“Yeah, yeah man. You’re good, I’m good. You’re good for us.” Bobby's words are slurred, but he nods at Chanwoo again.  
  
“Thanks, hyung.” Chanwoo reaches out and pats Bobby’s head. It makes Bobby smile and close his eyes, and Chanwoo stays there for a few minutes, because it’s nice, hearing Bobby say it. They say you don’t lie when you’re drunk, the truth always has a way of coming out. It's not that he ever thought that Bobby didn't like him. But it's nice, sometimes, to know for sure.


	9. YunBin - Insensible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #9: Yunhyeong X Hanbin  
> Song: "Insensible" Mandalay (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwTcxoBaca8)

_I pulled a loose thread, I gathered you in, discovered I could_

* * *

It happens the first night without Bobby.  
  
It's nearing two months since the show ended, and days that were once overpacked with schedules now lay dormant. They exist back in that strange place they were in before they'd been thrust into the spotlight, in their tight little corner, shadowed again. They had their fifteen minutes of fame and now they've entered a period of slumber, a hibernation of sorts, waiting out the long winter of pre-debut.  
  
The loss had affected them all, a hand on the back of their necks, holding their heads under the surface while they thrashed. No one drowned, thankfully. Hanbin fared worse than the rest, though, a pale, listless ghost for the first month, who crept from space to space, quiet and withdrawn, the life sucked out of him. They'd been worried, the five of them, they'd wondered how long was long enough, how long was  _too long._  
  
The scariest moment for them had been the day when Hanbin’s parents had shown up, his mother distracting the six of them with Hanbyul while his father had gone off somewhere (presumably to talk to the CEO, because who else would he be talking to?) and an hour later Hanbin had left with his parents, no explanation.  
  
No one told them anything. Maybe Yang had thought Hanbin would say something, or his mother. But one moment Hanbin was with them (physically, if not mentally) and the next he was gone.  
  
He was back after the weekend, though, physically  _and_ mentally. They’d gone to visit his grandparents, thought getting him out of his slump for a few days would be good for him. The five of them had practically cried with relief, they’d clung to him in a tight group hug, refused to let go for a few minutes. Then they’d gone back to work, and no one had ever spoken about it again (at least not to Yunhyeong, and he didn’t talk about it to anyone).  
  
But now it’s Bobby’s turn for a trip home, and Yunhyeong’s surprised when he feels a weight on his shoulder all of a sudden. Hanbin’s there at his back, arms around Yunhyeong in a hug. To say it’s surprising is an understatement. It’s not that he’s unused to Hanbin’s skinship, but there’s something in this that feels different. It’s vulnerable, like he’s looking for something. Yunhyeong never gets him like this, never gets touches that are anything other than fun and playful.  
  
Only Jinhwan and Bobby get this side of Hanbin. Mopey. Vulnerable.  
  
“You okay, Hanbin-ah?” Yunhyeong asks, voice soft and plush.  
  
Hanbin just nods, doesn’t speak anything out loud.  
  
“You miss Bobby?” It’s a guess, and Hanbin nods again. (But it’s not what Yunhyeong thinks it is. It’s just basic separation anxiety, six down to five, and Hanbin’s so terrified of losing any of them, but he can’t bring himself to admit it out loud, refuses to voice the fear lest he test fate.)  
  
“He’ll be back in a week,” Yunhyeong says reassuringly, doesn’t mention that they’d felt infinitely worse when Hanbin had left for those few days a month ago. Hanbin doesn’t need to hear that. “You want me to make you some dinner? Have you eaten today?”  
  
Hanbin shakes his head. “I’m fine, hyung.”  
  
“Are you sure? What did you eat?” Yunhyeong can’t help but pester him with questions. It’s rare that he ever feels like he can treat Hanbin like a dongsaeng, rare that Hanbin lets him. It feels kind of nice.  
  
“I’m not hungry. Can you just come lie down with me?”  
  
Yunhyeong’s surprised at the request. But it makes him smile, and it makes his heart race a little too fast. “Of course, whatever you want. I’ll cook you something later if you’re hungry, okay?”  
  
Hanbin nods and pulls him into Bobby's currently vacant room (not because Hanbin misses him, but because Bobby's bed is bigger, so they'll be more comfortable). Yunhyeong's not sure what to expect, doesn't know what Hanbin wants at the moment. But apparently all he wants is a warm body to cuddle up to, because within minutes he's asleep. Yunhyeong feels content just watching him, is grateful that he gets to see this side of him for once. Despite being older than Hanbin, he never really  _feels_ older. He feels it now, as he lays in silence and watches his chest rise and fall with each slow breath. Feels it as Hanbin clings tighter in sleep.  
  
They do this every night until Bobby comes back, and Yunhyeong expects it to end then (even though he'll kind of miss it). It does end, kind of. Hanbin doesn't fall asleep with him anymore. But he still hugs him during the day. He adds Yunhyeong to his rotation of people who get to see his vulnerable side.  
  
It's enough for Yunhyeong.


	10. JunDong - Hyperactive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #10: Donghyuk X Junhoe  
> Song: "Hyperactive" Thomas Dolby (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpsNyCJzOP0)  
> Donghyuk's referencing that Pops In Seoul interview they did a while back, where all they did was diss each other. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vZKUGfgSCc)

_ At the tender age of three, I was hooked to a machine, just to keep my mouth from spouting junk _

* * *

“And you wonder why you drive him to drink,” Donghyuk snorts, his eyes never leaving Junhoe’s pacing form.  
  
“Oh come on, I’m not that bad. I used to be, but I’ve gotten better.”  
  
Donghyuk doesn’t respond with words, only laughter. Junhoe stops pacing and looks at him, frown creasing his face, and Donghyuk thinks it’s honestly his best look. Junhoe could be doing something as simple as looking at a food he dislikes, and you’d swear the entire world had offended him beyond belief. It makes Donghyuk laugh again.  
  
“What the hell’s so funny?” Junhoe grumbles, glares at him a second longer before he resumes pacing.  
  
“Your face.” Donghyuk can’t help but giggle again at his own answer. The world’s a much happier place when you can laugh over your own stupid jokes.  
  
Junhoe’s glare turns disgusted again. “There is _nothing_ wrong with my face.”  
  
“Except everything.” Donghyuk’s just doing it to be contrary now, because Junhoe is so easy to rile up. (Not that Donghyuk’s any better himself, hence why he pounces on Junhoe whenever he can.)  
  
“I have a great face, okay? Look at this bone structure.” Junhoe stops to look at himself in the mirror, runs a finger over his jawline.  
  
Donghyuk rises from the bed only to walk three steps over so he can physically kick Junhoe in the ass. Junhoe turns to him with that glare again, and if you were judging based on withering looks alone, any stranger who doesn’t know them would think that Junhoe hates him.  
  
It’s really just foreplay, though.  
  
“Are you trying to insult my ass, now?” Junhoe asks, his tone heavy and sulky.  
  
“What ass?” Donghyuk chirps back, his own tone light and cheery.  
  
Junhoe rugby tackles him onto the bed.  
  
Five seconds later and they’re kissing, hands scrabbling for holds underneath their shirts, and Donghyuk swears that his brain has the world’s worst timing today. He remembers an old interview, can’t help but laugh over it. The way Junhoe lets out a disgusted huff of breath only makes him laugh harder.  
  
“What the fuck is wrong with you today?” Junhoe whines before sitting up and punching Donghyuk’s arm.  
  
“Remember that interview we did, when Hanbin hyung said you were flabby?” Donghyuk can barely explain, and he has no idea why it’s even in his head now. Junhoe’s glare is murderous.  
  
“I can’t believe you.” Junhoe just glares at him for a few seconds, like he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do. “And you have the nerve to say that I ruin the mood most of the time.”  
  
“You do! With your seventy year old man body.” Donghyuk’s eyes blur with tears, but Junhoe’s disgusted glare is so ingrained in his mind that he doesn’t even need to see right now. Instead he just lays back and he can’t stop laughing.  
  
Junhoe sighs and lays back down beside him. The insults will pass eventually—they always do. “You’re so annoying.”  
  
Donghyuk flings a leg over Junhoe and lays his head against Junhoe’s arm. “It’s okay. You’re still my favourite senior citizen.” That’s what finally breaks Junhoe, and seconds later they’re all tangled up in each other’s limbs, a mess of squealing laughter once more.


	11. ChanHwan - Evil As Fukk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 11: Jinhwan X Chanwoo  
> Song: "Evil As Fukk" Hanzel Und Gretyl (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFFJ3zvstl4)

_ Evil! Evil as fukk! So fukken evil… _

* * *

“Where’s my wine glass?” Jinhwan yells, searching through the cupboards. They’ve got multiples, of course, but Jinhwan’s got a  _ favourite _ and it just doesn’t feel right if he drinks out of anything else. There’s a slight chip in the base of his glass, happened three years ago in the week after they’d finished filming Mix & Match. Hanbin had fallen asleep on the couch, and Jinhwan and Bobby had started balancing random objects on him, seeing what would stay and what would fall. The wine glass had fallen, but survived in the end with only a tiny chip.   
  
“Did you check the top shelf?” Chanwoo asks, face buried in his phone.   
  
“Of course not,” Jinhwan replies, annoyed at the suggestion, “I can’t reach the top shelf. Why would I put it up there?” He’s got eyes on Chanwoo as soon as he suggested it, and  _ of course _ their giant maknae’s got a grin on his lips.   
  
“Oh, do you want me to take a look for you, hyung?” Chanwoo offers.   
  
Jinhwan’s got two options. He could accept Chanwoo’s offer of help, or he could keep looking on his own. He’s certain though that Chanwoo has hidden the glass. Certain it’s up high enough that he won’t be able to reach it without a step ladder.   
  
Not that they have one in their apartment, of course.   
  
“Hyung?” Chanwoo has his game paused, twinkling eyes on Jinhwan.   
  
The lesser of two evils…   
  
“Yes, please, if you don’t mind.” Normally he’d say no out of spite, but he’s dying for some wine right now and he’s not about to drink it out of some impostor glass. He’d rather drink it straight out of the bottle.   
  
Chanwoo all too eagerly hops up from the couch and makes his way into the kitchen, pausing by the cupboard to pat Jinhwan on the head and smile at him. “You’re so cute today, hyung.”   
  
Jinhwan barely keeps from smacking him at the utter disrespect. _ Pick your battles, _ he tells himself. He’ll just drown his slightly wounded pride in the wine.   
  
“Oh, here it is!” Chanwoo calls out, brandishing the glass. “Who washed the dishes last? Everyone knows this is your special glass, hyung, why would anyone put it up there?”   
  
Jinhwan holds his hand out. “Yes indeed, how did it end up all the way up there, when I was the person who washed it and put it away in its usual spot. What an interesting question, Chanwoo-ya.”   
  
Chanwoo doesn’t hand it over. “Should we dust it for fingerprints, hyung? Find out who moved it on you?”   
  
Jinhwan narrows his eyes and keeps his hand out. “Unnecessary. Just hand it over and we’ll consider it water under the bridge.”   
  
“Don’t you mean wine under the bridge, hyung?” Chanwoo replies, and he holds the glass out towards Jinhwan, but he holds it up over his head.   
  
“Chanu-ya, if you don’t give me the glass right now, I will kick your leg out, and it will hurt, and you’ll probably make Hanbin yell at me for hurting you when you can’t keep up in dance practice tomorrow.” Jinhwan says it all with a sweet voice, ends it with a smile.   
  
“You know, hyung, you seem really bothered. All this over a wine glass? A little extreme, don’t you think?” Chanwoo grins and moves back a step.   
  
Jinhwan moves forward two. “Chanwoo, give me the glass.”   
  
“Hyung are you sure you don’t have a drinking problem?” Chanwoo teases.   
  
“You’re going to have a drinking problem because I’m going to hit you so hard your mouth will be wired shut.” Pride be damned, Jinhwan makes the split second decision to hop up and grab the glass out of Chanwoo’s grasp.   
  
Chanwoo lets it go without a struggle, giggling to himself while Jinhwan glares at him and heads over to the fridge. Chanwoo retreats to the living room, counting the seconds down as he sits and picks up his phone. Any second now and—   
  
“Chanwoo! Where the  _ fuck’s _ my wine?!”


	12. BobDong - Break It Down Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #12: Bobby X Donghyuk  
> Song: "Break It Down Again" Tears For Fears (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA1rWLsl-Dg)

_ It’s in the way you’re always hiding from the light, see for yourself you have been sitting on a time bomb;   
no revolution maybe someone somewhere else, could show you something new about you and your inner song _

* * *

“Do you think he would have been upset, if he’d lived long enough to find out?”   
  
Bobby doesn’t answer him right away, because it’s a tough question. Instead he just rubs his thumb over the back of Donghyuk's hand and takes his time to figure out exactly how he wants to approach the topic.   
  
“I don’t know, Dongie, what do you think? He was your dad, I never got to meet him.”   
  
Donghyuk shrugs. “It’s so easy to say no, to say that he would have loved me no matter what. And I know there are a lot of people who do, but there are a lot of people who don’t, too.”   
  
Donghyuk's got an indisputable point, but Bobby has never been the type to see the glass as half full. “That’s the best part, though. There’s no way you’ll ever know, so you get to decide for yourself how he would have felt.”   
  
“But what happens when I see him again? What if he’s up in Heaven now, watching me, and he’s upset? What do I do when I'm up there too? What if, when I finally look him in the eye again, he looks away?” It’s a worry that’s been plaguing him for some time, now, and he’s not even sure how the thought got in his head at all. He's hasn't come out to anyone except his members, so why is the person who's worrying him the most the one who's the farthest from him?   
  
“Do you really think that would happen? Do you think God would let reunions be unhappy?” Bobby knows he doesn’t, but sometimes you say things you don’t really mean when you’re afraid.   
  
Donghyuk sighs, closes his eyes for a moment and just breathes.   
  
Bobby squeezes his hand reassuringly. “I don’t think it’s really your dad you’re worried about, is it? It’s just easier to worry about someone who isn’t here anymore, easier than worrying about the people who are here who can actually hurt you.”   
  
Donghyuk can feel his eyes start to water the second he hears Bobby’s comment, and he knows right away that Bobby’s figured it out. It’s all just a cover, something to keep him from worrying about the real potential for trouble.   
  
“My mom never wanted me to be a singer,” Donghyuk says, “she fought me about it for such a long time. But then she finally gave in, and now she’s happy. What happens if this is the same?”   
  
“No chance,” Bobby says with certainty, “she loves you too much. This is different from the singing thing.”   
  
“Is it, though?”   
  
“Yeah man, of course. This is about  _ who _ you are, not  _ what _ you are. She was worried about you being a singer cause so many people have such a hard time. But when she knew you were in a good company with good people, she knew she didn’t have to worry about you anymore. But this is something that you can’t change, she can’t change, so it’ll be different. She’ll be happy if you’re happy.”   
  
Donghyuk turns his head because he needs to _see_ that Bobby believes what he's saying. It's all too easy to talk, but he wants to believe it. “What if she’s not?”   
  
Bobby meets his gaze. He gives Donghyuk what he's looking for. “She will be. That’s what you gotta keep telling yourself. If you keep saying she won’t be happy, you’re putting negativity there. You gotta be positive. You got us, and no matter what happens, you’re always gonna have us.”   
  
“Thanks, hyung.” Donghyuk looks back at the niche where his father's urn sits. Bobby's right, he feels it in his heart. His members love him, his mother will love him, and up above in Heaven, his father loves him too.

 


	13. JunBin - Bust A Nut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #13: Hanbin X Junhoe  
> Song: "Bust A Nut" Urban / "Beats, Flows & Hoes (acapella)" Tony Senghore & Baby Ark: mixed by Hatiras (I actually can't find this song anywhere on-line that I can link to for the entire thing, but the album it's on, Electronic Luv by Hatiras, is on Spotify; but if you go to https://www.traxsource.com/title/133984/hatiras-electronic-luv you can listen to a a nice long sample of it, it's track 6)

_Hotel rooms, rented by the hour, forty minute bed, twenty minute shower_

* * *

 

“Turn your phone off this time.”  
  
“Ugh, seriously—”   
  
“Off. Now.”   
  
Junhoe rolls his eyes but does as Hanbin says. “I can’t believe you’re still holding that against me.”   
  
Hanbin narrows his eyes and watches him, and when Junhoe finally tosses his phone down into his bag Hanbin pulls his sweater off and drops it on the floor. “That wasn’t so tough, was it?”   
  
Junhoe shakes his head and answers Hanbin with an annoyed sigh. “Are you ever going to let me off the hook for that?”   
  
Hanbin doesn’t answer the question. “Why are you not undressing yet? You know we don’t have long.”   
  
“Maybe I changed my mind.” Junhoe’s just being contrary now, prickly after Hanbin’s continued jabs.   
  
“You’re being a whiny brat,” Hanbin replies as he crosses the room to stand in front of him, “now take your damn shirt off.”   
  
Hanbin’s using _that_ tone of voice, and Junhoe automatically does as he’s told. “You sure know how to set the mood.”   
  
“Like you deserve anything better,” Hanbin replies, undoing his belt, “and watch your tone, by the way. Address me properly.”   
  
“Yes _hyung._ Whatever you say.” Junhoe’s voice is coloured with sarcasm, but Hanbin knows how to read him.   
  
“Don’t be sarcastic. It feels good, doing what I tell you. You can pretend you hate it, but you’re always _so eager_ to please me.” There’s no question, because they both know Hanbin’s speaking the truth.   
  
“ _Whatever._ Can we just get this over with?” Junhoe waits, because he knows what comes next: Hanbin on his knees, experienced mouth making short work of Junhoe’s woeful inexperience. For some reason he likes it, though. They both like it.   
  
“Not with that tone,” Hanbin scolds, “ask for it properly.”   
  
Junhoe hates this part (well, he _says_ he hates it, but Hanbin knows he doesn’t) and he doesn’t know why exactly it still makes him blush _every single time_ but it does. He’s not sure, but he thinks Hanbin likes it, the blushing. He waits until Hanbin’s in front of him, predatory gleam in his eyes as he stares up at Junhoe from the floor. Junhoe’s always blown away by how Hanbin can control every single situation he’s in. It’s impressive.   
  
Enough thinking, though. Time for action.   
  
“Hyung, can you please suck my dick?” Every time he says it, it feels just as awkward. He’s not sure why it turns him on, but it does.   
  
Hanbin rises until his face is right there, his cheek pressed into Junhoe’s belly, his breath soft as it blows over the tip of Junhoe’s dick. One of these days he thinks Hanbin is probably going to make him cum like this, without even touching him. He could probably do it, Junhoe knows he gets himself wound up tight enough for it.   
  
It’s a power thing, and Hanbin has all the power.  
  
Junhoe's okay with that. In fact, he prefers it like this.


	14. YunChan - J'ai demandé à la lune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #14: Yunhyeong X Chanwoo  
> Song: "J'ai demandé à la lune (I asked the moon)" Indochine (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAOmC5qT02w)

_ J’ai demandé à la lune, et le soleil ne le sais pas, je lui ai montré mes brûlures, et la lune s’est moquée de moi _ _   
_ _ (I asked the moon, and the sun doesn’t know about it, I showed her my burns, and the moon made fun of me) _

* * *

“Hey, hyung.” Chanwoo enters their shared room and flops down onto his bed.  
  
Yunhyeong doesn’t bother turning over to greet him (usually he does, because usually he’s concerned with the way he portrays himself in front of the younger members) and instead remains where he is, huddled underneath his blanket.  
  
“Hey, Chanu-ya. How did your recording go?” Yunhyeong’s own recording was terrible, and that’s why he’s huddled in on himself. It’s not often that he mopes (it’s really not in his nature to feel sorry for himself) but he’s been dealing with Hanbin’s scolding tone for the past two weeks and it’s starting to wear on him.  
  
“Garbage! To the surprise of no one,” Chanwoo replies, his tone light, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately, I just can’t make my voice come out the way it’s supposed to.”  
  
Yunhyeong feels exactly the same way, and usually this is where he’d give Chanwoo some impassioned speech about how they just need to work harder and practice more. Which is stupid, because they shouldn’t have to practice this much for a recording, should they? He should be able to get through a few lines without his voice continually cracking.  
  
It’s pointless to dwell on it, though, it won’t help anything. It’s just a slump, just an off period that will pass. He can’t lay around feeling sorry for himself, what kind of example would that be for Chanwoo?  
  
But he’s tired. He’s tired of fucking his recordings up and feeling like a burden on Hanbin.  
  
Maybe Chanwoo can sense that he’s having a hard day because suddenly he’s there on the bed, cuddling up to Yunhyeong’s back, an arm thrown over him.  
  
“You know, hyung, even though I told myself not to, I used to take Hanbin hyung’s criticism personally when we were working on our debut. It was really tough on me, but I made it tougher than it should have been. Do you know what made me stop taking it personally?” Chanwoo’s question hangs in the air between them for a second as Yunhyeong processes it.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Your advice. I never said anything to anyone, but I guess you must have known I was having a hard time because you started paying closer attention to me. You would always tell me that it was important to remember that what Hanbin says in the recording room stays in the recording room, you reminded me that when we weren’t there that he was always nice to me and treated me warmly. Even though it’s tough to hear so much criticism, I know in the end that it’s his job, to make us sound our best. So I don’t feel like I’m just a burden anymore, and that’s because of you.”  
  
Yunhyeong’s touched by the admission. It’s nice to know that he helped Chanwoo, but it’s also nice because he needs the reminder himself right now. Everyone has their off days (weeks in his case). The important thing is knowing that it won’t always be this difficult. Sometimes you just lose your way, but if you look up, the stars will guide you back to where you ought to be.  
  
“Thanks, Chanu-ya.”  
  
Chanwoo’s arm tightens over him. “You know what helps me when I’m in a slump with music, hyung? Doing something else that I’m really good at.”  
  
“That’s actually really smart.”  
  
“It’s different for all of us, and I know you don’t play video games like I do. But you cook. Is there some difficult recipe you always wanted to try? I could help you. I want to learn how to cook better, it’s a good skill.”  
  
Yunhyeong can physically feel the melancholy lifting off his shoulders. Sometimes you just need to do something positive to clear the gloom, but it can be tough to remember that when the fog’s all around you.  
  
“Yeah, actually now that you mention it, I did buy some things yesterday to do just that, but I ran out of time last night. It'll be nice to have some help, though!”  
  
Just as he’s about to get up the sentimentality of the whole scene is suddenly ruined by the loud growling of Chanwoo’s stomach. Yunhyeong bolts upright and casts him a wounded look.  
  
“I can’t believe it! You only said all of that because you wanted me to make you dinner!”  
  
“No! It was genuine!” Chanwoo looks at him in a panic, but within seconds he’s grinning.  
  
Yunhyeong smacks him in the leg. “You're so mean!”  
  
“Oh come on, hyung! You feel better, don’t you?” Chanwoo’s grin is playful and he reaches out and grabs Yunhyeong’s hand. “I meant it, all of it. You’ve helped me a lot, more than anyone else. I guess I just wanted to feel like I could return the favour.”  
  
Yunhyeong’s brief moment of ire melts at the hand holding and the comment. Chanwoo’s right, either way. The fact that he saw the opportunity and wanted to help means everything. He's happy to not be moping anymore, that in itself is worthy of a meal. He's still going to make Chanwoo work for it, though.  
  
“Alright, you’re forgiven. You’re on onion chopping duty though!”  
  
"Ah hyung, that's cruel."  
  
"If you're not crying, that means you're not doing it right!" Yunhyeong gets up and leads him out of the room and into the kitchen.  
  
They're still holding hands.


	15. BobHwan - Confidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #15: Jinhwan X Bobby  
> Song: "Confidence" Scritti Politti (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnUq-3F8BoA)

_I’m scared to tell my mother and I’m scared to tell my mates, all the rotten smother and all the petty hates_

* * *

Bobby finds Jinhwan out on the balcony, alone in the chill night air.  
  
He’s smoking.   
  
“Where did you even get those from? I thought you quit.” Bobby stands next to him.   
  
“You know I only said that to appease Hanbin,” Jinhwan replies, “and since your room is on the other side of the hall, you’re not going to tell him about this.”   
  
“He’ll smell it when I get back.” It’s easier than asking Jinhwan to quit.   
  
“Go to the 7-11 across the street and buy him something, say there were people smoking out front. Be creative.” Jinhwan takes a drag and holds it in his mouth, like he’s contemplating blowing it in Bobby’s face. He doesn’t.   
  
“You know he only bugs you about it because he doesn’t want you to get in shit if Yang finds out.”   
  
“He’s not concerned about my health and my voice?” Jinhwan says teasingly. The conversation always seems to go like this—Bobby is afraid to show his own concerns and worries, so he uses Hanbin as a shield, but even there he still can’t say what he wants to say, so he says the opposite, just to make Jinhwan tease him for it out loud.   
  
Jinhwan finds it endearing.   
  
“No one died from one cigarette.” He takes another drag and leans over the balcony, eyes on the twinkling lights of Tokyo.   
  
“You can’t prove that.” Bobby just watches him, feels the tension that comes from being cooped up in hotel rooms and vans.   
  
“Oh come on, I’m young and invincible, don’t shatter the illusion.” Jinhwan ashes the cigarette out and flicks the butt off the balcony.   
  
“Can’t you throw it in the garbage at least? That’s disgusting.”   
  
Jinhwan laughs at him. “I’ll remember that the next time your drunk ass spills your beer on the carpet and doesn’t clean it up.” Jinhwan moves closer to him, so close that their bodies are pressed together. His fingers touch Bobby’s chin. “If you’re that concerned about litter on the sidewalk, _you_ can pick it up and throw it in the garbage when you go to the 7-11.”   
  
Bobby just smiles that angry smile of his, though none of the anger is directed at Jinhwan. It’s always directed at himself for being unable to express the full depth of his emotions. He can’t do it with any of them. He’s worried about Jinhwan, because the cigarettes only seem to appear when he’s stressed to the near end of his rope. Jinhwan doesn’t talk, though, at least not to Bobby.   
  
“Hey, I know that look,” Jinhwan says softly, his fingers stretching up to cup Bobby’s cheek, “don’t worry about me so much, okay? Don’t worry about me at all, actually. I’m older, in case you forgot. I should be worrying about you.”   
  
Bobby sighs and wraps an arm around Jinhwan’s shoulders, rests his chin in Jinhwan’s hair. Jinhwan wraps his arms tightly around Bobby’s waist, and they stay there, just like that, for a few minutes, until the chill air makes Bobby’s ears cold.   
  
“Just tell me you’re okay.” Bobby whispers into his hair, half hopes that Jinhwan doesn’t hear it, half hopes that he does.   
  
“You go down to the 7-11 and buy some snacks. I’ll take a quick shower, and then I’ll come over to your room and the three of us can watch a movie, okay? Just like the old times.”   
  
It’s not the answer Bobby was hoping for, but when he pulls back to look down at Jinhwan’s face, he sees the affection in Jinhwan’s gaze, and that’s when he realizes that maybe it is the answer he wanted, just phrased in a way he didn’t expect.   
  
“Okay.” He stares into Jinhwan’s eyes for a few seconds before leaning in for a kiss. Jinhwan tastes like wine and cigarette smoke, but it won’t last for long. Not the taste, and not Jinhwan’s melancholic mood.   
  
Bobby will erase both of them tonight.


	16. ChanBin - Survive It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #16: Hanbin X Chanwoo  
> Song: "Survive It" Ghostpoet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usksH8B07do)

_ Key in the door but the door won’t open and heartbeat frozen, look to the heavens but nobody’s coming _

* * *

Chanwoo’s the only one at the dorm when Hanbin gets back, though Hanbin doesn’t know it. Chanwoo’s just getting over the flu, on his last day of bed rest before finally being allowed out again. Not that Hanbin knows that, either.  
  
For the past three weeks Hanbin’s taken a back seat to everything except composing. Jinhwan’s stepped in to do all of the annoying day-to-day things that Hanbin used to do (things most of them don’t even realize he does, because he’s so natural about it) which has left Hanbin operating in a completely different time zone to the rest of them.  
  
Usually Hanbin comes in and goes straight to bed, but today Chanwoo finds him sitting at the kitchen table instead, slumped over and breathing heavy.  
  
Chanwoo thinks about leaving him be, because Hanbin has never been the sort to share anything that he’s going through. But there’s something eerily vulnerable in the stoop of his shoulders, like he’s weighed down by too much. Chanwoo’s not used to seeing him like this (actually doesn’t remember ever seeing him like this, not since Mix & Match) so he finds himself silently padding into the kitchen, hand reaching out to settle on the back of Hanbin’s neck.  
  
“Hey hyung, you hungry?” Chanwoo’s been making Yunhyeong teach him how to cook lately.  
  
Hanbin shakes his head, though he doesn’t pull away from Chanwoo’s hand.  
  
“Are you sure? I was going to make myself something, it’s not a bother.”  
  
“No, I’m good.” Hanbin’s quiet for a moment before speaking again. “How come you’re home right now? Where’s everyone else?”  
  
“Ah, I was sick the past few days, hyung. On my last day of rest.”  
  
Hanbin nods but looks distraught. Chanwoo interrupts his thoughts. “I’m okay now, hyung, it was just a little flu. But don’t worry, I’m not contagious.” Chanwoo watches him for a moment, still concerned. Hanbin doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move.  
  
“Are you sure you don’t need anything, hyung?” Hanbin shakes his head, keeps his eyes on the table. But he leans his head back a little, presses his neck into Chanwoo’s hand. Chanwoo picks up on the unspoken request and kneads his fingers into Hanbin’s neck, gives him a little massage, feels good when Hanbin seems a little more relaxed.  
  
Chanwoo leans down after a few minutes to wrap him in a hug, because it just seems like the right thing to do, and that’s when he realizes that Hanbin’s fallen asleep right there at the table.  
  
Chanwoo picks him up and carries him into his room, lays him on his bed. Hanbin doesn’t wake up, and Chanwoo wonders if he ought to call Jinhwan. But as he watches Hanbin sleeping he realizes that he doesn’t need Jinhwan for this. Maybe all Hanbin needed was just another person to be there, to be available.  
  
Chanwoo figures that if he’s on forced rest today, he might as well stay here where he’s needed. He lays down next to Hanbin and tucks a blanket over him. He fluffs a pillow behind himself and lays back, not even bothering with his phone. It’s nice like this, quiet.  
  
Five minutes later and he's asleep too.


	17. YunHwan - Pulse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #17: Jinhwan X Yunhyeong  
> Song: "Pulse" OMD (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u2IQV_pyI0)

_ I gave you clear instructions, how to use the functions, fucking listen cause it’s what you came for _

* * *

 

It’s not a surprise to Jinhwan that Yunhyeong is the toughest one to crack. Originally he’d thought it would be self-absorbed Junhoe (he snapped like a twig) or Hanbin (because he never shared anything, at least not until Jinhwan had tied him up and  _ made _ him).   
  
Yunhyeong is difficult because he’s old fashioned.   
  
He’s stuck on the mindset that  _ men should be men _ and currently he doesn’t think men have any business crying in front of other men (at least not from pleasure).   
  
Jinhwan’s in the process of breaking him, though, has been taking his time. But now he’s got fingers dug deep in the fissures, prying under the skin to unlock all of the thought processes that are currently holding him back.   
  
Jinhwan’s good at digging.   
  
At first he’d thought about blindfolding Yunhyeong, but then he noticed that he couldn’t stand being stared at, so now that’s what Jinhwan’s doing, chipping away at his resolve by doing nothing more than staring. Every time Yunhyeong looks away, Jinhwan follows, until he finally reaches out to take hold of his chin, keeping his face in place.   
  
It takes about half an hour of the dance, but finally Yunhyeong gives up. Jinhwan can see it in the way his shoulders sag and his head lolls forward, not to get away but to give in.   
  
Jinhwan rewards good behaviour, so two seconds later he’s got Yunhyeong’s dick in his mouth, and this time is not like every other time. Yunhyeong used to hold himself back, used to keep quiet.   
  
His moans are loud now.   
  
Jinhwan hops up onto the bed behind him, knees spread so he can get as close to Yunhyeong as possible, pressing himself against his back, skin to skin, one hand running lightly over his sides, ticklish enough to make Yunhyeong squirm. His other hand wraps around Yunhyeong’s neck, thumb and index finger maintaining a tight grip of Yunhyeong’s chin.   
  
“Ask me politely.”   
  
Yunhyeong shivers at Jinhwan’s whispered words, and when Jinhwan looks down he can see that Yunhyeong’s got a firm grip on himself. Jinhwan stops playing with his side and instead grabs Yunhyeong’s hand, his fingers tight as he pulls Yunhyeong’s arms behind his back.   
  
“I didn’t give you permission to do that, did I?” Jinhwan follows the question up with a nip at Yunhyeong’s ear lobe, and of course he’s not expecting Yunhyeong to answer him with words.   
  
They’ve all got different ways of answering, and Jinhwan speaks all six languages.


	18. DongChan - Zoned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #18: Donghyuk X Chanwoo  
> Song: "Zoned" Jaden Smith (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07LBSUO9PVw)

_I’m wearin’ ripped up Vans and a hood by Supreme, guess my subconscious wants me to be a regular teen_

* * *

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Chanwoo says so suddenly that it catches Donghyuk off guard, “look after me like this, I mean.”  
  
They’re out having dinner together, just the two of them, Donghyuk’s treat. “I know I don’t have to, but, well, I like it.”   
  
Chanwoo smiles and flips a few pieces of meat on the barbeque. “Ah, I don’t mean that I don’t like it, it’s great, honestly. I appreciate it. I just didn’t want you to think that you had to, or that any of you have to.”   
  
Donghyuk watches him with a smile on his face. “I’m not doing it because I think I have to, I really want to.” He pauses, twirling his chopsticks in anticipation of eating. “I was the youngest for so long, everyone took care of me, I like being able to do something nice for you now.”   
  
“I thought Junhoe was really the youngest?” Chanwoo teases.   
  
Donghyuk grins at him. “True, but you’ve seen his personality. I think the hyungs were all happy when I joined, they had someone to spoil who really appreciated it and didn’t give them attitude.”   
  
“They probably still wish you were the youngest.” Chanwoo replies, before piling a few pieces of meat onto Donghyuk’s plate.   
  
“Ah, come on! I think you’re a sweet dongsaeng, you’re always good to me.”   
  
“Of course, we have to stick together. Yunhyeong hyung, however, would probably agree with my comment.” Chanwoo adds more meat to the grill before accepting a piece from Donghyuk.   
  
“Be nice to him, he’s a saint.” Donghyuk says as he feeds Chanwoo. He likes this more than he can say. It’s been so long since he’s had anyone younger than himself around, it reminds him of times with his sister.   
  
“Says you,” Chanwoo teases back, “I should be nice to him though, what is it they say when you’re at school? Two people you never piss off are the janitor and the cafeteria cook.”   
  
Donghyuk laughs at the comparison, is about to respond but suddenly the sound of squealing girls is behind them. They both tense up, but thankfully the girls pass them by for another table, but they can still hear them talking about whatever idol it is they follow. Not someone from their group or agency, so hopefully that means they’ll get to continue their meal in peace.   
  
“Do you ever wish you were better known?” Chanwoo asks him, popping a piece of meat into his mouth.   
  
Donghyuk glances at the girls, thinks about his own fans. They are well known, there’s always a throng of fans around them when they travel. And while it would be nice to be even bigger, more popular and better recognized, he wouldn’t really be able to go out for dinner like this, wouldn’t be able to go shopping for an afternoon and not get bothered.   
  
“Nah, not really. We wouldn’t be able to do this if we were, would we?”   
  
Chanwoo nods and stuffs another piece of meat in his mouth.   
  
“Do you wish you were?” He wonders if it’s on Chanwoo’s mind. Neither of them are the most popular in the group, Donghyuk’s at peace with that. It’s always better to have quality over quantity, after all, and he’s got fans that he sees all the time who come specifically for him. He’d take that over ten times the amount, but unrecognizable and constantly changing.   
  
“Nope, I wholeheartedly agree with you. I like knowing that I can go out and maybe no one will know me. Sure beats being surrounded at the airport.”   
  
They don’t really talk about it for the rest of the meal. But when Donghyuk comes back after paying and sees Chanwoo standing up to take a group picture for the table of girls, he can’t help but grin. The girls thank him and Chanwoo bows before grinning excitedly at Donghyuk.   
  
Then the whispers start.   
  
_“He’s so cute, but he looks so familiar.”_   
  
_“Do they go to our school?”_   
  
“Should we ask them?”   
  
They make a beeline for the exit and don’t look back.


	19. JunBob - Let's Get Really Honest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #19: Bobby X Junhoe  
> Song: "Let's Get Really Honest" Just Jack (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukElK-i6ZFo)

_ Don’t take me for a fool, because I’m not the foolish kind, well if you had a sledgehammer, you still couldn’t break my mind _

* * *

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate you wanting to be closer to me, it’s just, well, it’s unexpected. You never used to go out of your way before, and you do now, and it’s just weird. It feels weird. It feels forced.”   
  
Bobby frowns at Junhoe’s response. “I thought you wanted it, though.”   
  
Junhoe fixes him with a confused expression. “Why would you think that?”   
  
Bobby bristles at his tone, which is sharp and almost a little insulted. He has to remind himself that that’s just how Junhoe talks. It’s not personal. The bigger problem, though, is that Junhoe’s confused about Bobby’s motives. Which he shouldn’t be.   
  
“Do you not remember what you said to me?”   
  
Junhoe just shakes his head. “Clearly not, if you’re asking me about it now.”   
  
_ Great. _ “You don’t remember, two weeks ago, you and me and Hanbin and Jinhwan were drinking? Well, the three of us were drinking and Hanbin was nursing one glass of wine all night.”   
  
Junhoe chuckles at that. “Yeah, he probably ended up drunker than any of us too.”   
  
“Actually he didn’t. But you did.” Bobby pauses, waits for recognition in Junhoe’s eyes. It doesn’t come. “You really don’t remember what you said, do you?”   
  
“No, but if I was that drunk it shouldn’t be a surprise. And I wouldn’t take anything I said seriously. I talk a lot of bullshit when I drink.” Junhoe crosses his arms defensively, and Bobby curses his decision to listen to Jinhwan and not Hanbin. Jinhwan had told him  _ “if he said it while he was drunk, that means he really meant it, and you know he’ll never approach you sober, so you need to make the first move” _ . Hanbin, on the other hand, had told him  _ “he represses everything he ever thinks, guaranteed he won’t remember, and even if he does he’ll be too embarrassed to do anything about it”. _   
  
Should he just abort the mission entirely?   
  
“Hyung? Maybe if you just told me what I said so we could move on?”   
  
Might as well get it out and over with now, because they don’t have any schedules for the next month. “Well, you, uh, said that you’re really attracted to me.”   
  
Junhoe laughs. “Bullshit I did.”   
  
Bobby’s shocked by the suddenness of his dismissal. “You did!”   
  
“Why on earth would I say that? I mean sure, even though you rarely work out anymore you’ve still got a really hot body that I’m honestly kind of jealous of, and while your face is sometimes super ugly it’s also sometimes really nice, and the way you just do whatever you want without worrying about anyone else’s reaction is honestly really attractive too.” Junhoe rambles it all out, and something in his tone of voice almost sounds annoyed.   
  
Which is when the lightbulb goes off in Bobby’s brain. “You totally just gave yourself away.”   
  
“Huh?” Junhoe looks at him, half confused and half annoyed.   
  
“Out of everyone in the group, who would you say you’re the closest to?”   
  
Junhoe rolls his eyes, like Bobby’s questions is both the dumbest thing he’s heard and the most annoying. “Jinhwan hyung and Hanbin, sorry you didn’t make the cut.”   
  
Bobby just grins wider. “Whenever you talk about them, you always fight with them, or you sound like you’re annoyed, and you always insult them. I don’t think I’ve actually ever heard you insult anyone else. You’re so  _ nice _ to the other three. You used to be that nice to me.”   
  
“So what? You think I insult the people I like?” Junhoe’s got his arms held even tighter across his chest, but his expression looks slightly panicked now.   
  
“Yeah, I do. You’re like a little kid. It’s cute.” Bobby knows that both Hanbin and Jinhwan were right. Junhoe really does like him, a lot, but he’ll repress it for years and never make a move, not unless Bobby makes him.   
  
“You’re so annoying.”   
  
“See? You’re doing it, you’re insulting me!” Bobby can’t help but laugh about it, his face all scrunched up.   
  
“Stop laughing, it makes you look really ugly.” Junhoe’s tone is half scathing, half scared, and when he realizes what he said his face drops, like he’s finally understood Bobby’s point.   
  
He can fight it all he wants, but Bobby’s got him figured out.


	20. BinHwan - Nova Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #20: Jinhwan X Hanbin  
> Song: "Nova Heart" Spoons (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZwN86_liic)

_And I’ll sleep, sleep in your nova heart, as things come apart_   
_I’ll hide, hide in your nova heart, at ease with my thoughts_

* * *

_“I just need you to take over for a while, would you do that for me?”_   
  
Hanbin hadn’t asked Jinhwan if he _could,_ because he knew the answer was yes. Jinhwan wasn’t the sort of leader that Hanbin was, didn’t have it in him to be hard when it was needed. But Hanbin had been hard for too long (hard on himself more than anyone, which Jinhwan thought was the problem) and if he didn’t step away, they both knew it would only lead to some kind of break down.   
  
Hanbin’s been questioning everything lately, but Jinhwan never has answers for him.   
  
_“Why are we doing this? Why do I put so much into it and get so little back? I feel like none of it matters, I feel like I don’t matter. I matter, don’t I? I deserve better than what I’m getting?”_   
  
Jinhwan’s certain Hanbin had only been talking about work, but the words still hurt him in a way he hadn’t expected. Was it about them, too? All of them? Were they not making him feel appreciated? Sometimes (most of the time, if he’s being honest) it’s hard to know what Hanbin’s really thinking. He doesn’t share often, even though Jinhwan knows that he’s the only one Hanbin goes to with complaints and concerns.   
  
But even he only gets riddles and half-spoken thoughts. He wants more, he wants it all. Wants the truth (well, sometimes—other times he's afraid of it).   
  
Hanbin’s a heavy weight on his chest right now, but Jinhwan can’t bring himself to move him, doesn’t want to disturb his sleep. He can’t remember the last time he and Hanbin slept during the same hours, together or separate. Hanbin’s awake all night these days, which is maybe part of the problem.   
  
It’s hard to feel appreciated by people when you’re never around them. Sometimes they spend breakfast together (or lunch, depending on how _late_ Hanbin works) but he’s usually drowsy and half asleep then. Which is still cute, in its own way, because Hanbin usually lets Jinhwan fuss over him and feed him. He likes feeling useful, likes to think that he’s the only one who gets to treat Hanbin like that.   
  
Right before falling asleep Hanbin had looked him in the eyes and asked him _“Do you know how important you are to me?”_ Jinhwan had kissed his nose and told him not to tease him, to just go to sleep.   
  
In truth he’s afraid of asking. Afraid that maybe he’s not as important as he wants to be. Afraid that he’s only important because he’s convenient.   
  
It’s not fair to question, though. Hanbin might not be completely upfront about everything, but he never exaggerates and he never lies. If he says something, he means it.   
  
Jinhwan can’t take the weight anymore and he shifts in bed, breathing in deeply when he slides Hanbin’s head off his chest and onto the pillow. He keeps him cradled close, though, and presses a kiss to the top of his head. He has a feeling he’ll be up all night, just watching him sleep. It’s soothing, knowing he’s close and taken care of.   
  
"Nani?" Hanbin's whispered voice calls, and it makes Jinhwan smile.  
  
"Yeah, Bin?"  
  
"Just checking."  
  
Jinhwan kisses his forehead, wants to do more but he doesn't want to disturb him. Hanbin's sleep-addled voice always makes him soft. "I'm right here, okay? Go to sleep." Hanbin mumbles a noise of assent as his arm tightens around Jinhwan's torso for a brief moment, and Jinhwan would give anything for them to sleep like this every night. They can't, he knows that, but at least he's got tonight.   
  
So he keeps Hanbin close, runs his fingers softly over Hanbin's skin and through his hair, keeps his lips pressed to Hanbin's forehead. All of Jinhwan’s hopes and desires live peacefully in the midnight hours, when everyone but him is asleep.


	21. YunDong - I'll Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day #21: Yunhyeong X Donghyuk  
> Song: "I'll Remember" Madonna (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py7qqwKFroo)
> 
> Just a note: Thank you to everyone who has enjoyed all the stories! It was quite interesting to write all the pairings, a good exercise. I'll try to do this again, because we have a lot of pairings in this fandom that need more love. ♥♥♥

_And I'll remember the love that you gave me, now that I'm standing on my own  
_ _I'll remember the way that you changed me, I'll remember_

* * *

“Do you remember that car ride, right after we left?”   
  
Yunhyeong remembers it. They were both afraid, but neither of them would admit it out loud, instead seeking comfort in the tight grip of their fingers and the brush of knees that didn’t have to be so close. He remembers the daily messages, always prefaced with an excuse, countless  _ ‘sorry for bugging you, isn’t it weird to be alone??’ _ as though they couldn’t just say what they really meant— _ I miss you. Not just the group, but you, specifically, I miss you. _   
  
“Yeah, you gave the driver wrong directions on purpose, just to make it last longer.”   
  
Donghyuk laughs and leans his head on Yunhyeong’s shoulder. “Yeah, I did, can you blame me though?”   
  
“Hey, I wasn’t complaining!” Yunhyeong leans his head on Donghyuk’s.   
  
“I don’t think I’ve ever cried as hard as I did when I found out that I’d made it.” Donghyuk says, and even though it’s still difficult to think back to those times, it gets easier with each passing year.   
  
“It was cruel, leaving you to the end,” Yunhyeong says, and he feels the same way, “none of us were contacting each other then, we were all too afraid.”   
  
“But we made it, so it’s okay. Made us stronger, right?” That’s what he likes to do now. Look for the positive, instead of crying over the injustice.   
  
“Sure, but I think it made us a little more afraid, too.”   
  
“Hey, hyung I’m trying to be positive!” Donghyuk looks up at him, a scolding look in his eyes. It softens the second he sees the delicate balance of emotions in Yunhyeong’s gaze. Pride, admiration, affection, but still a bit of fear. Like it’s not enough that they’re still together.   
  
“Positive is good, let’s be positive.” Yunhyeong smiles at him and leans forward to press a kiss to his forehead.   
  
Donghyuk closes his eyes and just enjoys the moment. It’s Christmas, after all, and the greatest gift he’s ever been given is sitting right next to him, lips pressed to his skin. There’s no need for them to keep talking about the past, not when the future holds so much possibility.   
  
They both look up at the night sky. It’s mostly cloudy but here and there are clear patches where the light of the moon shines through, and every now and then they see a star. Maybe it’s a metaphor of what’s to come. Nothing in this industry is ever easy, it’s never clear skies and smooth sailing. But it’s worth it, for the moments when everything aligns, when light cuts through the shadows and bathes them in a heavenly glow.   
  
Donghyuk’s been through Hell already, he knows that much (losing his father, losing his first chance, and nearly losing his second) but he’s got Heaven next to him now, and that’s all that matters.


End file.
